Ricky’s Waffle: The GUM, the GUM, my lower incisors for the GUM

The last article on the Phonograph was posted nearly a month ago and there’s certainly been an aura of inactivity around recently. As Head Editor of The SiV Phonograph, I must apologize for this. But today I decided to speak honestly. I decided to express my humble opinion regarding the GUM election. It’s not a secret that the GUM election has been what’s on our minds recently. Frankly, I don’t know if it’s because I took care of one of the candidate’s campaign or because I hadn’t payed attention before, but I feel that this is one of the most promoted GUM elections I’ve ever witnessed. My opinion regarding the GUM is not a secret, and it’s not positive either. I feel that the GUM didn’t really decline as others argue; I feel that the GUM was never good to start with, so it’s not a surprise that when Ciprian came to me and told me he intended to run for GUM Chairman I hesitated to offer my support. I don’t know what it was, but I was soon convinced to give him my help. Now, Ciprian has stepped down as candidate, so I’mma talk shit about the GUM.

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I became “Director of Campaign” for Ciprian. Not really an official title, is it? Regardless, I actually listened what he had to say. What he thought about the GUM and what he intended to do. His “radical change” was actually going to be a radical change. I have to be honest, I’ve only seen what a GUM Quorum is like a few times, but from what I can tell, it’s not pretty. It’s pretentious. Let me make something clear, I’ll put it in a simple sentence so that it’s easy to understand.

Fancy words and proper orthography don’t make your argument any more valid.

Sit down darling. You’re chatting on a Skype room and you’re probably still in pijamas. You’re not a diplomat, get over yourself. The GUM isn’t about diplomacy and co-operation between nations. The GUM reminds me a lot more of My Little Pony because to GUM delegates, “friendship is magic”. The GUM is a gentlemen’s club where if you’re not cool with the homies it doesn’t take three strikes for you to be out. I know they will all most likely deny this, but the only reason people secured their votes against Ciprian was because he’s deeply disliked. Who cares about his platform? Who cares about his ideas? After all, he was an asshole to me once and now I’m gonna hate him forever.

"Together for a common goal" became "fuck you" when Ashukovo delegate Edward Jacobs decided to support Quentin instead of Ciprian, ignoring the fact that an Ashukov was Ciprian's Vice Chair candidate.

“Together for a common goal” became “fuck you I ain’t votin’ for u”

Ok, in all honesty, everyone has reasons to dislike Ciprian. He’s not a tender-flavoured popsicle. But his ideas were genuinely good. All he ever intended was to make the Grand Unified Micronational a less shitty place. But no, he made the horrible mistake of saying shit to others (as if he was the only one) so his ideas can go to hell. I’m not saying there isn’t any other reason to vote for Kennedy or now Quentin, but I have no doubt there is a handful of bias against Ciprian. But I’m just yet another conspiracy theorist that didn’t like the bitter taste of defeat.

But hey, I have nothing against Quentin. Ok, maybe I do a little, but I still believe he has the chance to become a good Chairman for the GUM. His platform isn’t bad, really. But I just don’t see him as a game changer. I don’t see him wanting to change the GUM for good. But meh, I’m not going to make predictions about someone I hardly know.

All in all, I’m disappointed. Disappointed Ciprian couldn’t get the support he deserved and disappointed at myself for spending four hours making a poster that, in the end, lost all meaning. Thank you Jacobs. So yeah, I’m still not going to get anywhere near the GUM, and Lycem has reasons to stay out this fire. GUMs will be GUMs, and the GUMs I know are shite. Nanigadekiru?

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