Virny and the Guild take the lead

NNS party leader (official title “Chief Artist of the Guild”) and Enkâkourak-designate Shounn Virny.

A predictable outcome has come of today’s parliamentary elections, the first of its kind and many to come, in which National Artists’ Guild (NNS) has produced seven seats to the newly formed Parliament of Sabia and Verona (Sarenâ), with 24 votes, exactly 60%. In second place and with 3 seats in the Parliament, the Sabian Democratic Assembly (ASD), an electoral coalition of Unity Party and independent parliamentarians received 16 votes, 40%. Both NNS and ASD leaders, Shounn Virny and Andrew Blackhorse, have been elected to represent their respective districts of Kotavari and Sejê-Kepren. On October the 1st, when the new Parliament takes office and meets for the first time in the Boxunari of the new capital city of Alios, Virny will take the lead as the Kingdom’s new Enkâkourak for a one-year term.

This last election difers from past elections in that only voters in the capital city of Alios have been allowed to vote and become candidates for the Parliament. This is due to the concessions of the recently adopted Constitution, one of the many changes the Haronos Plan has brought to Sabia and Verona. The Haronos Plan (or rather, the first part of the plan) was executed last August 25, when a large portion of the Sabioveronese population migrated south to Argentina to establish the city of Alios to serve as the Kingdom’s new administrative center. From 1 October 2015, when the new parliament meets for the first time, the regions of Sabia, Verona and Lycem will count with large degrees of autonomy as they will be responsible for their own administration, while the Kingdom’s national legislature, executive and judiciary (known in the new constitution as the Legislative, Executive and Judicial Sounosy) will rest on the Parliament, the Monarch, and the Tribunal in Alios, all new institutions established by the Constitution (with the exception of the Monarch). All these changes have been overseen by King Tarek, who was crowned last 23 August following Queen Isadora’s abdication.

This is what the new Parliament of Sabia and Verona will look like:

  • District of Darmosari North: Represented by Snø Jens of the NNS.
  • District of Darmosari South: Represented by Andreina Rossini of the NNS.
  • District of Monesari West: Represented by Franxêska Bagos of the ASD.
  • District of Monesari East: Represented by Anton Schubert-Moss of the NNS.
  • District of Kodesari: Represented by Narcissus Clyne of the NNS.
  • District of Sejê-Kepren: Represented by Andrew Blackhorse of the ASD; party leader.
  • District of Étanou: Represented by Shuxia Jiang of the ASD.
  • District of Kotavari: Represented by Shounn Virny of the NNS; party leader and Enkâkourak.
  • District of Poméxelos: Represented by Janina Amosiry of the NNS; Deputy Enkâkourak.
  • District of Tepou Éissarann: Represented by Orion Bennet of the NNS; party secretary.

Five parliamentary commissions have been planned: the Budget Commission, the Transportation Commission, the Music Commission, the Decoration Commission and the Refreshments Commission.

Details on Virny’s cabinet will be released on his first press conference, to be held next friday on September 25.

The eternal laurels, the peculiar Exodus and the Braganza way

When I find myself in times of trouble, Queen Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: just leave.

Many of you may think I was dead, or Sabia and Verona was dead, or just very, very inactive. Sadly, the latter is true. Nearly 10 months have passed since the last time an article was published in The SiV Phonograph. Thankfully, since I’m not particularly fond of summaries, not much has happened in that time. Or at least not until now, it seems. You’ll have to pardon my French, but shit’s going down.

But not really though. I just wanted to make use of that fantastic pun, because in a couple of days I’m quite literally going down. Not to hell just yet, but to Argentina: the land of tango, Maradona, asado, questionable wars on European superpowers, Evita, penguins, and conceitedness.

It appears the time for the House of Ricky to abandon Venezuela has come. It had been foreseen, but I didn’t really expect it to be this soon. The economic and social shithole that this Bolivarian Republic has become has finally toppled all sort of national pride or nostalgia, and thus after getting enough hundreds of thousands of bolívares to buy a ticket plane, I am to fly to Buenos Aires towards the end of the month to make my life over there. I won’t be the first one: a couple thousand of Venezuelans now inhabit the capital of Argentina, a city of grey skies so polluted they make one of the world’s most ironic place names, right there next to Greenland. I will not dig any further on just how bad things are in Venezuela for my family to have made this choice. In the past I have spoken of the political situation of the macronation, but at this point I doubt I’ll be able to explain anything objectively, and I’ve been considerably biased before. So instead I’ll answer a question you may or may not be asking right now: what about Sabia and Verona? Naturally, I wouldn’t dream of leaving Sabia and Verona behind. After all, what would I do with my seemingly endless free time?

We could have just claimed everything from here to there, but then we'd have risked touching Brazil and we don't wanna mess with the Kossians.
We could have just claimed everything from here to there, but then we’d have risked touching Brazil and we don’t wanna mess with the Kossians.

So it happens I won’t be the only Sabian immigrating, as I’m taking quite a few fellow countrymen with me. Just about the ones that fit in my travel suitcase, though, which is still enough to form a decent outpost of our Kingdom in the south. Here is when we honour the good ol’ Braganzas, who on November 29, 1807 decided they liked samba more than Lisbon and made a capital out of Rio. This new outpost, which we’ll be cleverly naming Alios (Sabian for “silver”, get it?), will serve as Sabia and Verona’s capital from August 25 onwards. Sorry, Salisse. Some will be happy to know that among those coming with me is the dearly beloved Napoléon Bleuberrie, probably the only Sabian with the talent in him to become a meme. God, am I proud of that.

There are many things that need to be done before all of this happens. Though the territory that Sabia and Verona claims will remain Sabioveronese (it’s my house, after all, and we’ve got someone trustworthy to keep it), I can’t expect to look after it all the way from Argentina the same way I looked after it by living here. Several reforms may have to be made to the constitution. Things just can’t be administered the same way as before. There are still many blank spaces regarding the fate of the government, the monarchy and the state, most of which I’m hoping to fill in the week and a half I’ve got before I leave for Caracas and then Buenos Aires. Though the future is uncertain, one thing is pretty clear: where I go, Sabia and Verona goes.

Partially, at least.

(Also, hurray for the 50th post of The SiV Phonograph.)

“Bi” is not for “bisexual”: Two years of Sabia and Verona

Many things happen on October 20. It’s a holy day in the Bahá’í Faith, it’s the World Osteoporosis Day and it’s Snoop Dogg’s birthday. But here in the tropicalness of our small kingdom, we celebrate something else on the twentieth day of the tenth month of the year. Our very own anniversary. Today we are celebrating two years of Sabia and Verona being Sabia and Verona, and we’re pretty proud of that. Two years. That’s 730 days. 730 days, guys! And in those 730 days governments have come and gone, languages have been created, religions have been completely reformed, cultures have been appropriated and titles have been granted. In those 730 days a hundred micronations have been made and have been dissolved as we observe quietly from our arguably high horse of relative stability.

Things have changed. 

And things are changing. That’s the cycle of everything and it’s a very Pahunist concept. Things must change in order to keep the world running. Babies are born and old people die. Nicki Minaj releases a new single and Kim Kardashian goes to the beach and that bikini makes her ass look bigger than it actually is because that’s what’s “trendy”. It’s a matter of movement, and even after two years of staying under the same flag Sabia and Verona is still moving. Who knows? Perhaps next year something great will happen, or we’ll fall into inactivity only to come back the year after that. So many things can happen when over 80% of your population is composed of non-sentient beings.

Real talk. Looking back there’s a lot to be embarrassed of. My poor English skills, my bad graphics, my constant changes. I won’t lie about that. We are bound to be helplessly ashamed of our past selves, and it’s something I’m aware of as I type this down. In two more years I’ll be reading this and I’ll scream into a pillow. But let’s make one thing clear: embarrasment and regret aren’t the same thing. And I honestly don’t regret anything.


Because I’m less like that. I’m not particularly proud of 2011 me, but I can safely say I’m kind of happy with 2014 me. I’m more chill and I think I’m kinda less annoying. I think. At least I try.

I’ve had the bad habit of mixing up my personal life and my micronational life. Of course, when you’ve been a member of the Community for such a long time it’s inevitable, at some point the line between what you did with your family yesterday and what law you passed today will blur. But I took the wrong approach. People have been harmed, and that’s certainly not an occupational hazard of micronationalism. Most of the times it was all silly and immature disputes, but there were instances when the fruit was peeled and the insides were exposed. Shit has happened.

Who knew micronationalism could be so dramatic? I certainly didn’t at first, but I learnt the hard way. That in mind, sitting here writing this borderline cliché article coated in my predictably poor first-person narrative, it kind of feels like it was all necessary. Having a country of stuffed animals has been mighty educational.

It’s been two years since Ciprian and I decided it would be a dope idea to create an outlet of Juclandia in this sector of ours, but it’s been over three years since my arrival to the MicroWiki Community. Since then I’ve had like eight names, twenty micronations and at least four sockpuppet-personas. I can’t properly say “that’s all in the past”, because a couple of years aren’t enough to get people to forget. But that’s alright: this is micronationalism. It’s no big deal after all. We’re all people who create their own countries ’cause they’ve got way too much free time and occassionally way too much money.


Today in Sabia and Verona we’re not only celebrating our two years of subjectship to Juclandia; we’re celebrating our heritage as successors of a shitload micronations that didn’t last more than a month. We’re celebrating the grand apple pie of clairvoyance. We’re celebrating the fact we’re yet not damaged to extinction. We’re celebrating micronationalism, with all its perks and quirks.

But most importantly, we’re celebrating Snoop Dogg’s birthday.


Dreaming big: The Aishayerovê and the beginning of a new era

Léon Galieri and Bertrand Rivière, former and present Enkâkouraky of Sabia and Verona.

Early this morning Sabia and Verona saw a new Enkâkourak swear an oath to the Constitution, to the Queen and to the nation. Léon Galieri of the Left Alliance handed the power over to Bertrand Rivière of the Unity Party, in a ceremony only once seen before in January 2013 when socialist Napoléon Bleuberrie passed on the title of Enkâkourak to Osez Kóvérsz, also of Unity. Following the required oaths from the new Cabinet Ministers, Rivière lost no time. A new set of legislators had also been elected, and the Legislative Palace of the Lirvetta Enâ was in dire need of a meeting.

I swear loyalty to my nation; to Sabia, Verona and Lycem. I swear loyalty to all of the Valtirians, and I swear to protect the Constitution of Sabia and Verona. I will give my complete devotion to this Kingdom of ours for the following 364 days. Today and always, for the Sun, the Moon and the Truth.

The Aishayerovê engrossed a series of controversial reforms that Rivière has been proposing since early in his campaign, and thanks to the conservative majority that now paints the Chamber of Deputies blue, these reforms were met with barely any resistence. The meeting lasted a grand total of three hours, starting at 7 am VST to 10 am VST, in which heated debate was heard all across Salisse and through radio in the rest of Sabia and Verona.

Rivière started by welcoming all new legislators to the Ayerovê Sâbixann, the “General Assembly of Sabia”. Though this was frowned upon by the legislators of the Pashqari People’s Party, applause from members of Rivière’s Képren Lâdom Alliance hushed any opposition. The first proposed law dealed with the reclamation of the Sournêliádin Gardens and the Eastern Lands, which had been previously claimed by the Lycene Freehold. The law passed 17 to 3. The Eastern Lands will now be organized into the Special Territory of the Eastern Lands (Territóriâta Nâjtan Suxourdogashasy), and it will belong to the Region of Lycem.

Following this Rivière touched a much more controversial topic: the Sabioveronese peerage. Though the Constitution initially prohibited anyone but the Queen to hold titles of peerage and nobility, Rivière claims a Sabioveronese peerage system would work perfectly as a form of distinguishing the most prominent citizens of Sabia and Verona. This law barely passed, with 11-9 in support of it. During the meeting, twenty-three peerages have been approved by the Chamber of Deputies and later ratified by the Senate.

Next was the officialization of the Sabian language as the nation’s main language regarding government affairs. The Lycene and Pashqar languages passed to a lesser plane as national languages of Sabia and Verona. Now, terms such as “First Secretary”, “Chamber of Deputies”, “Senate” and “Judicial Power of the Courts” will be always rendered in Sabian, regardless of the language in use. Sabia and Verona will now have an Enkâkourak, an Ayerovê, a Gentáriven and a Somahurouk.

Other affairs included the nationalization of the Church of the Pahun, and in lieu of the resignation of High Priest Noaeryk yesterday night, the appointment of Queen Isadora as High Priestess of the Pahun. Her Royal Highness will now lead the Church under the name of Alyna. As well the Royal Navy of Sabia and Verona has been disestablished, under the pretext of it being quite unnecessary since Sabia and Verona has no access to major water bodies. A new anthem for the nation, Valtirgedrâm, with lyrics written by Rosie Levine has been adopted.

Another major event included the creation of the office of the Deputy Governor of Sabia and Verona, which will be occupied by Joseph Kennedy, former High Priest Noaeryk. Deputy Governor Kennedy has been granted subjectship as Marquis of Saamark, and will be known as Joseph Emmanuel Krístâvak. The Marquis will assume the position of representative of Sabia and Verona to the Transitional Council of the Federation in replacement of Governor Kârjasary, whose term will end next October 20th.

All of these reforms and new laws were summarized by a series of constitutional amendments that already count with the approval of the Senate of Sabia and Verona, and also count with oral ratification from Her Royal Highness.

As the first meeting of the Ayerovê Sâbixann concluded, the new Enkâkourak hailed the beginning of a new era for Sabia and Verona, which will now be known as the Valtirian Kingdoms of Sabia. Though these changes will count with severe opposition from many sectors inside and outside the nation, Rivière is certain he is doing the best for Sabia and Verona.

Transitional Council to take over Federal Union

Provisional Seal of the Federal Government
Seal of the Federal Union of Juclandian Lands

A Transitional Council has been established in the Federal Union of Juclandian Lands (FUJL) as pleads for leadership have been made across the nation. The FUJL has lacked a proper government since last August 23 when the Government of Chancellor Ciprian Sorin, King of Juclandia, was dissolved.

Calls for reforms arose last September 19, when several members of the Obștea, including King Ciprian himself, agreed it was time for a change in the system currently employed by the Federation. However plans on these reforms were interrupted the following day when turmoil erupted in the Obștea over a conflict involving the representatives of Juclandia, Sabia and Verona and former Ashukov politician and Austenasian Caesar Joseph Kennedy, Count of Greater Richmond and current High Priest of the Pahun as Noaeryk Ashagantaresamenu. The dispute was solved, but it wasn’t until seven days later that decisions were made on the government of the Federation.

The Transitional Council will  be composed, as agreed by the representatives of Juclandia, Sabia and Verona, and Ayrshire (King Ciprian, Governor Kârjasary and Thomas Cassidy, respectively), by one envoy from each of the provinces of the FUJL, and it will be headed by King Ciprian as President of the Transitional Council. For the sake of practicality, it was suggested the Juclandian Monarch represent Leonida, Lenia and Burlatia (which alongside Juclandia conform the Romanian-speaking majority of the Federation) as opposed to having a delegate from each of said provinces in the Council. The idea was however declined, as it was seen as “unfair” to the three provinces, all of which counted with representatives in the now deceased Obștea.

The Transitional Council is expected to be in power until the  requested reforms come in place. Some proposed reforms include the dissolution of the Secretariats and more autonomy to the Federation’s provinces; Sabia and Verona has been the main proponent of of these amendments, while the nation prepares for reforms of its own as First Secretary-elect Bertrand Rivière awaits the 1st of October, when he is to assume provincial leadership of the Kingdom.

Conservative victory: Rivière to become Enkâkourak

Bertrand Guillaume Rivière, who will take office as First Secretary on 1 October 2014.

The ballots closed at 6 pm VST and it was time for the National Electoral Tribunal to count the votes. A multitude of reactions didn’t really appear on the faces of the Sabioveronese citizens when it was announced Bertrand Rivière, of the Képren Lâdom Alliance had won 34% of the votes nationwide. The Képren Lâdom, a coalition of the Unity Party (C) and the Initiative for Democracy (D), will have nine seats in the Chamber of Deputies. This is the first conservative victory since the election of Osez Kóvérsz as First Secretary in the December 2012 election.

In celebration, Rivière held a victory rally in the Ánko Mon district of Salisse in which he proclaimed:

“Line elêk vaturshar ravêk nâma Képras Lâdom. Ê né sourta: lâde. Képre árosh lir arounêk, má tréshatokor xír!” (Translation unavailable.)

Rivière had received an unprecedented support in previous polls. Coming to a close second winner stands the Left Alliance headed by Ernesto DaVilha with 26% of the vote. The Left Alliance won four seats in the Chamber of Deputies.

Although the Convergence and Amity party of Étienne Boulin received only 23% of the vote, they gained five seats in the Chamber of Deputies, one seat more than their red counterparts.

Finally, the Pashqari People’s Party, headed by José Ramírez received a 15% of the general vote, which will grant them two seats in the Chamber of Deputies, not unlike the two seats they already have in the present Chamber. Independent candidates have received 1% of the general vote. The voter turnout was of 87%, lower than the past election’s 98% but still considerably higher than the 66% of the September 2013 election.

Though the relatively new to politics Rivière first rose to fame as the husband of Sabian language poetess Rosalind “Rosie” Levine, lately he has made a name for himself in Sabia and Verona with controversial ideas and reforms that will be presented in the first meeting of the new Chamber of Deputies on October 1, 2014.

Pahunist Anniversary: Noaeryk I longest reigning High Priest of the Blue Church

Noaeryk I
Tenkośu portrait of High Priest Noaeryk, made in the occassion of his first anniversary in the Church.

It’s September 13, and the Church of the Pahun is celebrating. It was one year ago that High Priestess Senna I Ashminasuunu, the Beloved, stepped down and handed the title of Miisete Pahunetur to Joseph Kennedy of Ashukovo, who would become Noaeryk I, High Priest of the Pahun.

Noaeryk’s tenure as High Priest has been characterized by the unification of the two schools of thought of Pahunism, the Nikolaeist School and the Fäkhist School. It has also been characterized by the declaration of the Aytana Tree Edict, which redefined the purpose of the Panunist Church. High Priest Noaeryk has been the longest-reigning leader of the Church, having beaten the record previously held by his predecessor Senna I (now known as Lady Saria Josephine) last August 23.

While all past High Priests excercised full power over the institution’s affairs, Noaeryk has served most of his term as a purely symbolic figure. Ever since the Aytana Tree took over the Blue Church, all the decisions have been made by its followers collectively, which is not really hard since Pahunism isn’t exactly a widespread religion. Noaeryk’s term has been once of peace, integration, collective leadership and most of all, balance.

To celebrate this special occassion, the Pahunist Church has collectively decided to conmemorate Noaeryk’s reign by revealing his Nanasehur, the name for which he will be known after he steps down from office. While usually a Nanasehur would be given to the High Priest after their dismissal, the Noaeryk’s subjects have decided to present it to him now, and he will be able to use it for as long as his reign extends and beyond. After little debate it was agreed Noaeryk would be known as Ashagantaresamenu, the Bringer of Balance.

Congratulations, Miisete Noaeryk. May the Pahun smile upon your reign with all of its eight virtues.